I had a love once; a dear love. But I lost him, to the corruption that often sips into the hearts and minds of men, or maybe it was my fault. I try not to think about it anymore. But one great thing always comes out love and war; inspiration for prose and poetry. I started writing this over a year ago but I never came around to really finishing it til recently.
My final goodbye
For all the crazy moments that we shared making up silly jokes, sharing the heartiest of laughs with no care in the world.
For those cosy moments; blown away by what you meant to me, blown away by what you said I meant to you and the look in your eyes that said it all.
For those moments that cannot be bound by words; the magic that we shared, the love that I felt, the words that were whispered.
For the times when listening to your voice was my only refuge, my solace.
For the man that you were, for the man that I hope you will become because I believe in you.
I loved you.
But time flies by so quickly and wounds, even much quicker, begin to heal. With each lapsing hour, it’s clearer that I must leave this memory of you far behind me. Find my own firm footing, make my own ideal world.
I realise now more than ever that I must, without a doubt, find a balance, a safe ground between the fear that encompasses me from this looming loneliness and the bliss that I derive from my solitude. But these wounds will heal and all I’ll see are scars to remind me.
But I did love you.
For the midnight calls that lingered on for hours and moments when even the silence was a breeze because being closer was far better than being apart.
For the tears that we shed that brought us closer and kisses that drove my fears much further; memories that I will always cherish.
For all the times you saved me from myself and reminded me who I was and who I could be. For bringing me much closer, for having faith in me and never letting go.
For all those times that you whispered words of comfort to lift my spirits and those that gave me strength.
For those arms that I called home that heart beat that was my song; a sweet balm reassuring me of where I did belong.
I loved you.
I admit that I have thought about it, you know. Tossed and turned and stayed awake up at night wondering whether we could go back. Back to how things used to be. But second chances; they come just once. Not twice or thrice, you know. And these wounds have healed, all I see are scars to remind me.
I did love you.
And now I smile because I have known love.
The greatest thing about having loved and having truly been loved is that the next time it comes crushing into you like a speeding train or slowly swoops you up without warning like sleep, you often know what it looks like, what it feels like and so you never settle for less than that glorious feeling or something greater again. Find love wherever you can even if it means that kind of love coming solely from your family, a few close friends or your dog <I’m sorry, people, but cats don’t love like that. They’re in it to win it. “It” being a warm place to sleep, warm milk and snuggling your feet or on your laps> I’ve never really been good at coining up titles for anything I write. My final goodbye is the first thing that came to me even before I wrote this. I’d love to hear from you and know what awesome suggestions for titles you possibly have.
It is better to have known love than be confused by some tedious attempt of deception to capture it.
It is better to have known love than to never have known how filling it is to the soul and the peace it can secure in one’s mind.
P.S:After all has been said and done, this truth does remain; there is no love quite like that that Christ has us. Search for it and you will find it. He reached out to us first and He’s never too far to reach out and hold you when you endeavour to find Him. It is of course a choice. Always choose love.