The title of this I think is quite befitting considering that’s the period we’re in.It also has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? I don’t want to dwell too much on anything to do with elections though…hope I didn’t lose your attention by saying that.
The original title for the silliness that’s to follow was “reasons to have a partner”. Teens, sit down. I’m not talking to you. And here are the reasons why you should have some love in the time of elections.
I’ll start with this so we can get this out of the way.
Because you need someone to call and either celebrate with, be gloomy with or have a stretched debate with over matters pertaining to the presidential elections. Well yes, we have bar debates and whatsapp group debates for that. But how much better is it when it’s with just one other person who either knows just as little or as much as you do about the political, socio-economic climate of our country. You also have someone to bounce your multiple ideas and/or ignorance off of.
….moving on swiftly
Because when Ed Sheeran, Adele, Taylor Swift sing love-sick music about being completely overwhelmed by love and flooded from the tip of your toes to the very follicles upon your head about love, you have someone to relate this song to other than thinking of the other things that you love so very much like your cat, your dog, your bed or the extra cheese that is tossed onto of your favourite pizza.
Because you need a plus one. This part is very important. Ladies, you might do everything with your girlfriends until they get boyfriends and then they aren’t your plus one to anything. My fine sirs, you might do everything with the guys until they get girlfriends or wives and they can’t really hang out with just you because
…they can’t come with their partners. It’s plus one not plus one plus your plus one’s plus one (why didn’t I just say plus two) which you won’t enjoy because you’ll end up being a third wheel.
…they made plans ages ago, because they also have lives and also because they have partners and their plans coincide with your plans.
“When exactly during that month did they make plans?” It doesn’t matter exactly when your plans are and when their plans are because their plans could fall on any of the 30 days in any month because they have lovers and spouses and maybe even children. And with the numerous weddings, events that you now find yourself invited to, you’re going to need someone to fill that plus one position. You can’t carry your siblings everywhere and you certainly can’t go everywhere with your parents. You’re grown and they said plus one, not plus your mother. Sorry
So that you have the luxury of using the term “Bae”. Do I like this term? No. But who doesn’t want to have the opportunity to have something to throw into the conversations in the community, often the social media community, where “Bae is…” “Bae and I” “Me & bae” “#withbae” is thrown around more often than politicians throw around lies. Bae is…(fill in the space) and BOOM!!! You just might be, somehow, maybe, a little more interesting than you were a few seconds before.
Because you need a reason to live and be pro-peace. So that even now when this madness where people go around saying things like, “oba thru peace, oba thru war” seems to be contagious, you will do your best to stay out of it and talk people out of it because you wouldn’t want to hear the people you love got hurt.
Because Instagram. Do you live an adventurous life? Do you travel and go to fancy places? How often? Do you have famous friends? Desmond Tutu, Rihanna, Kevin Hart, you know, people that will make your Instagram more interesting. Yes?! Then perhaps you don’t need a lover (is the word lover too heavy?). If your life is like mine and things are kinda monotonous and it’s the “meh” kind of monotonous, then you might need a bae. Otherwise, work on getting out of that funk.
Because people are starting to stare at you weirdly, when you go out to eat, or to drink, or to the movies alone. It was cute before. It’s starting to look sad. But cheers to you if you’re able to be absolutely comfortable and feel complete while you’re all by yourself.
Because you need at least three people in this world who get you, like really GET you. Hopefully that person will be your partner. Whether it has something to do with your work, your strange emotions, your mental state, your excessive need for hand-holding and hugs or even something as simple/complex as the reason as to why you interpret what the presidential debates revealed to us the way you do. It’s great when this person is part of your family or your circle of friends. It’s awesome when they your own person. So go ahead, get a lover.
Because your mother is starting to worry. She won’t say it out loud but she worries. When she asked you what your plans were on Valentine’s day, note that she didn’t ask whether you had plans, she asked what plans you had. It wasn’t just for just. She also didn’t ask such a question on Valentine’s day of all days yet she doesn’t usually ask these questions. It certainly wasn’t so that you could tell her about all the things you’re working on. And it certainly wasn’t only because she would later ask you to give your sister company while she goes to visit some cousins. For the ladies, your mother will worry more if she spots you buy yourself flowers.
Because people are starting to wonder what is wrong with you. Short answer, nothing. Hhhmmm, but for some of you, there might be something up…*side eye* But even then, nothing wrong with having a partner.
Because your only reason for wanting to stay home when your friends ask you to go out and hang out with them is to rewatch “Fresh off the boat”.
When your friends that have baes say, “Hey can’t link up,” you know it’s probably because of work, school or even more likely because they have plans with their baes. You never even pry any further. When your friends that are mothers say they can’t meet, you don’t pry. “Things are different when you become a mother” and you don’t know so you don’t say anything else so you won’t sound insensitive and/or clueless, so you move right along. But when people ask you to escort them somewhere, to join them for a function, to go out for a drink, you can’t simply say no if you aren’t busy. You’re bae-less, “What are you doing anyway?”
Enter bae. Even if bae is just a placeholder for when you decide to get into a serious relationship, use bae and use bae well.
“No, I can’t come shopping…Bae and I are…”
“I’m sorry I can’t come for that barbeque where I know absolutely no one and know that you will desert me for your cooler friends…bae is…”
“I can’t go skinny dipping with you…bae is…”
Most people respect “the bae”, use it and use it well.
I think I have exceeded and exhausted my use of the term “bae
I’m not sure if this works for guys, but for ladies because it helps ward off creepy guys. At the bar, at the bank, at work, at the gym, in the lift. “I’ve got a boyfriend” is the easiest line to throw around. So why not just have one. So that you have some guy to show when the creepy guys become a bit too pushy. You don’t even have to have something serious with this “boyfriend”
Because a partner can be a confidence booster. You don’t need a confidence boost. Your confidence-o-meter is already steady between 8 and 10 out of 10. The presence of a great lover will throw that needle all the way to that zone called “over-confident” “sexy and you know it”
Because rumours are starting to spread that you’re getting married next year. Where did these rumours come from? Your sister who you have told on numerous occasions that you are going to meet Michael B. Jordan and he will be amazed by you and that the two of you are most likely going to get married and because your sister is a bigger dreamer than you are, she believes that come Michael B. Jordan or not, you are getting married next year. Now cousins know her truth and so do some aunts.
Because having many suitors and/or people you are interested in is exhausting. Candidates. Manifestos. You have to learn and remember all these details about their lives and what compels them and be interested because that’s the only way you will actually remain attentive and remember all these details. How much mind space do we have? We already fill it with details about work that we do and other random information that you keep so that you can contribute to quiz nights and haphazard debates over politics.
I think I have said too much.
Find a bae and to my darlings who read this and come 18th February, 2016, go and vote. If not because you care whether or not your vote even matters, at the very least let it be so that you can hunt while at the polling station. Perhaps you’ll spot a decent guy and you’ll smile because there’s no wedding ring and when you happen to eavesdrop that one call he either receives or makes while waiting for his turn to vote, you’ll be able to conclude, he speaks pretty well, doesn’t seem to be the bad kind of crazy and is someone you can relate with. And maybe he won’t notice the terrible mess that can easily be equated to slaughter that the last person made when they did your eyebrows. And since voting is so close, that excuse we’ve all been giving ourselves for stalling everything, “after the elections” will be out the window and you can maybe, just maybe get a number and hope to see each other sometime soon. VOTE!!!