The Pursuit of Lady Laura 2

The following is episode 2 in our cycle of about nonsense. If you did not get a chance to read part 1, follow the link here The Pursuit of Lady Laura 1

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OPENING SEQUENCE OF THE WEIRD FIGHT

Imagine Kamwokya’s open space on Friday on a market day and it looks something like a wild wild west desert type of scene. The few people that are still in the area are running away scared. They are running and hiding behind kiosks and stalls. The space is finally silent. Sir John walks up and stands in front of Sir Hubert. The two stare at each for longer than 5 seconds. We see notice the water hose Sir John is holding but even then he doesn’t break eye contact. A wind sweeps over the open ground and we see dust rising and rolling passed them along with some tumbleweed and maybe some kaveeras with tiny bits of remaining bites of our famous rolex delights. Out of nowhere Amanda steps up and winks at Sir John.

AMANDA THE FABULOUS

Are you ready to dance, big boy?

*Insert suitable sound track; something by like Imagine Dragons*

She suddenly starts to run towards Sir John in attack mode like a lioness in the Serengeti. Then a flash of light like those ones we usually used to see in Samurai X when waved his sword.

CUT TO:

 

EXTERIOR COURT HOUSE

Sir John and Lady Brenda are in the front yard of the court house, walking towards it. They are walking on a rather muddy mud. Envision the Stark’s castle grounds, place was always so muddy. Sir John has a bouquet of flowers.

LADY BRENDA

She’s not going to like those.

SIR JOHN

Of course she will. Every woman loves flowers.

LADY BRENDA (rolls eyes)

We aren’t all the same you know.

SIR JOHN

You like flowers, don’t you?

LADY BRENDA

I like shoes. And you would have done better if you had brought a nice pair of high heels instead of shoes.

Sir John looks at her frantic but Lady Brenda ignores him and continues to look ahead as they approach the court house doors. There’s a large man at the door, larger than Golola Moses. He bows when he sees Lady Brenda and opens the door.

 

INTERIOR COURT HOUSE

The two enter the large court house and find it completely empty.

SIR JOHN

I thought the hearings were schedules for today

LADY BRENDA

It’s Wine Day.

SIR JOHN

Wine Day?!

LADY BRENDA

Yes. How do you not know these things before approaching a judge who you want to make an appeal to?

Sir John looks at her confused.

LADY BRENDA (CONT’D)

It’s her favourite holiday. And you’re lucky I sent a message earlier to get her to see us. And we should really use this opportunity.

Suddenly a door in the back opens, they see Boris Kodjoe enter the room. He’s in his swimming trucks and is dripping. His muscles are glistening in the light that’s filled the court room. As he enters the room, Sir John and Lady Brenda can hear booming music, Sauti Sol’s “Shake your bum bum” and the sound of people laughing and having fun seeping into the court room.

SIR JOHN

(whispering to Lady Brenda)

Are they having a party in the back?

BORIS KODJOE THE BAILIFF

She’ll be out in a moment.

SIR JOHN

(whispering to Lady Brenda)

Who’s that?

LADY BRENDA

(dazed, staring at Boris)

That’s the bailiff.

The next sound they hear is of the doors opening again and this time it’s followed by the clickety click sound of a horse walking.

SIR JOHN

She’s on her high horse again, isn’t she? And then in walks Judge Jill in her swim suit on a white beautiful horse.

JUDGE JILL

Let’s make this quick. We’re having a pool party and I have a tub filled with Rose in the back with my name on it.

SIR JOHN

Thank you for seeing us on such short notice

JUDGE JILL (interrupting him)

Are those flowers?!

SIR JOHN (very cheerful)

Yes, I thought that…

JUDGE JILL (interrupting)

I’m allergic to flowers.

Sir John looks at Lady Brenda and she has one of those “I told you so” expressions. He tossed the flowers to the back of the court room.

JUDGE JILL (CONT’D) (to Boris)

Darling.

Boris Kodjoe the bailiff hurries to Judge Jill’s side and carries her off to her seat.

JUDGE JILL (CONT’D)

Thank you darling. Did you take a dip in the wine tub?

BORIS KODJOE THE BAILIF

Yes, I did.

JUDGE JILL

You have a bit of wine, right there.

Judge Jill goes ahead and licks drops of wine off of Boris Kodjoe the bailiff’s head. He smiles. Sir John and Lady Brenda are left staring on in awkward silence as they watch all this happening in front of them. Boris Kodjoe the bailiff finally places Judge Jill onto her seat.

JUDGE JILL (CONT’D)

So, what is this about?

SIR JOHN

Judge Jill, you the highest and most honourable legislator in this land.

JUDGE JILL

I’ve heard all this before. Get to the point.

LADY BRENDA

We were hoping to have one of the oldest laws of the land repealed

JUDGE JILL

Laws are what guard and guide our land. I hope you have a sound reason as to why you want to repeal a law. Which law anyway?

LADY BRENDA

The ringing of it.

JUDGE JILL

Oh, that one. I am far too familiar with that stupid law. If you ask me, we never should have created laws against friend zoning because the concept itself is a figment of some sad man’s sad imagination.

SIR JOHN

But it’s real.

JUDGE JILL

That’s an argument for another day, Sir John.

LADY BRENDA

So can you get this law scrapped?

JUDGE JILL

Even with all my authority and powers, I unfortunately cannot. Because it is an old law and it was created by the fore fathers of this land.

LADY BRENDA

So what now

JUDGE JILL

The only around this is to call the entire council. If a unanimous vote is cast, then maybe we can get the law scrapped.

LADY BRENDA

That doesn’t seem too hard

JUDGE JILL

You need all the council members. When did you file your repeal of law?

SIR JOHN

Yesterday, evening at about

JUDGE JILL

You have 24 hours to get the vote cast. After that you will have to wait for a selected period of time to file another repeal.

LADY BRENDA

24 hours?!

JUDGE JILL

It helps us keeping the crowds, who just want to repeal every single turn us into a lawless state, at bay. Here’s a list of names of the council members.

Judge Jill hands a sheet of paper to Boris Kodjoe the bailiff who walks over to Lady Brenda and hands it over to her. Lady Brenda is stuck staring at him, his big muscles, handsome face and sweet bald head.

SIR JOHN

Thank you so much, Judge Jill

JUDGE JILL

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have a party to get back to. Boris Kodjoe the bailiff carries her off her seat and places her back onto her horse when he joins her and the two trot off through the back door.

SIR JOHN

The court house has a pool?

LADY BRENDA

Yeah.

SIR JOHN

They’re having a pool party today?! But it’s been raining.

 

EXTERIOR COURT HOUSE – COURT FRONT YARD
Sir John and Lady Brenda stepped out of the court house only to find the sun shining brightly and the ground that they had previously been walking on that was muddy before completely dried up. Sir John looks around confused.

SIR JOHN (CONT’D)

Wasn’t it raining before?

LADY BRENDA

Does this land’s weather still shock you? You should be used to it by now. Raining one second and hot the next.

SIR JOHN

Do you think we can round up the entire council in time?

LADY BRENDA

Let’s see what happens.

SIR JOHN

Who do we have on the list?

LADY BRENDA

I think we should pass by Guvnor. We might find most of them there.

 

INT. GUVNOR

We see Lady Brenda making her way through Guvnor, which is already extremely packed, towards the deejay booth. The deejay booth is a pretty large space with leather seats and glass tables and a large high tech deejay deck. When Lady Brenda gets to the deejay booth, the bodyguard at its entrance ushers her in.

LADY BRENDA

I see you’re busy.

Lady Brenda nods at the girls that are dancing. Bryan just smiles to himself.

LADY BRENDA (CONT’D)

The place is already packed at this time?!

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

It’s wine day.

LADY BRENDA

Thought you were playing.

Turntable master; Deejay Bryan shows her some Star Wars/ age of technology looking gizmo that he’s wearing like an ear piece.

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

I can control the music from just about anywhere. And we can go autopilot too. I have a robot at the decks for when I need it.

Lady Brenda notices Duke the Duke splashing champagne from the extreme corner of the Deejay section. When he’s done, he settles back on the sofas with Lady Brenda and Bryan.

DUKE THE DUKE

Lady Brenda, how are you and your fine ass self.

LADY BRENDA

I’m great Duke. I’m glad I found you here. I’m trying to get the tribunal together for a hearing today to repeal the “put a ring on it” aka the ringing of it law

Bryan and Duke laugh.

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

We have a law called “put a ring on it”?!

LADY BRENDA

I’m serious.

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

Fine. Not a big deal.

DUKE THE DUKE

I can’t come for the hearing. It’s wine day, what would I be doing at the court house on wine day. Is there something I can just sign?

Lady Brenda and Bryan look at the Duke like, “seriously?!”

DUKE THE DUKE (CONT’D)

I’m sorry but there are too many honeys out today.

LADY BRENDA

Is that Deadpool on a stripper pole?

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

Yup

LADY BRENDA

I should go say hi to him.

TURNTABLE MASTER; DEEJAY BRYAN

Please don’t. We can’t afford him in this picture. Not sure if we’re even allowed to use his name.

CUT TO:

 

INTERIOR CONVENT

Sir John walks into a convent. He’s being led by a much older nun. The two enter a church where we see two nuns who are bowed down in front of one of a statue of the Virgin Mary.

HEAD NUN

Sisters. Sir John is here to seek your assistance?

The sisters continue to pray silently. When they are finally finished, they get up and turn and look at Sir John. We get to see that the two sisters who have been praying are actually; Sister Yvonne and Sister Khan.

SISTER YVONNE

Sir John, what can we do for you?

SIR JOHN

I need your help sisters. The tribunal can’t make a ruling without you.

SISTER YVONNE

I can’t be there.

SIR JOHN

Is this because Count Noel the blaze is now betrothed. Is that why you joined the convent in the first place?

SISTER KHAN

Sister Yvonne joined the convent because it was her time to come back to God.
Sir John looks at her.

SISTER KHAN (CONT’D)

I’m Sister Khan her spiritual leader. I cannot permit her to go anywhere.

SISTER YVONNE

If this tribunal hearing is so important then maybe I can sign a petition if you have one.

CUT TO:

 

INTERIOR FANCY WAREHOUSE

Duchess Vanessa from Teso is busy instructing 4 very tall dark and handsome models on her to pose as photos of her newest clothing line are taken.

DUCHESS VANESSA FROM TESO

Ojok, come on. Flex those muscles, don’t be shy.

(beat) Ojok, the other Ojok, turn around so we can get a shot from the back.

The music is turned back on and the models all start to flex and pose, pose and flex. The Duchess’ assistant walks to her with Sir John. They greet each other and we see Duchess Vanessa nod. We can’t hear what they say over the loud music that’s playing in the back

*music being played in the back becomes soundtrack of the scenes that follow in montage format*

MONTAGE OF OTHER MEETINGS SIR JOHN AND LADY BRENDA HAVE WITH TRIBUNAL MEMBERS

EXT. HORSE STABLES
Lady Brenda and Sir Edwin Nkalubo the first of his name are walking together as he watches over the people who are taking care of his horses and unicorns. They shake their hands in agreement.

CUT TO:

INT. GRAND THEATRE                                                                                                                                  Sir John walks up to Duchess Allenicia from Toro who’s having rehearsals at a theatre. She pays attention to what he has to say and then nods before going back to her rehearsals.

CUT TO:

INT. LARGE FANCY RESTAURANT                                                                                                        Elma the Oracle is having a taste test with a chef in a very classy hotel’s kitchen. She looks up to see Lady Brenda walk into the room. They talk for a second, Elma the Oracle nods.

CUT TO:

EXT. GARDENS
Sir John talking Count Noel the Blaze who has a whole army of robots behind him organising the place for an event.

CUT TO:

INT. MUSIC STUDIO
Lady Brenda walks in on Baroness Kye the Lumpen who is clearly directing a sound producer with Chronix in the sound booth. They exchange a few words. Baroness Kye the Lumpen nods.

CUT TO:

INT. COURT HOUSE                                                                                                                                     The entire tribunal has gathered in the court house; we see Turntable Master Deejay Bryan, Father Kongzi, Duchess Vanessa from Teso, Duchess Allenicia from Toro, Elma the Oracle, Sir Edwin Nkalubo the first of his name, Baroness Kye the Lumpen, Sir Kelvo the Executioner, Count Noel the Blaze, Judge Jill and her bailiff, DB Woodside who’s standing behind her.

JUDGE JILL

Are we all here? Let’s get this started. State your case.

SIR JOHN

We called this council to review the “Put the ring on it” act.

SIR EDWIN NKALUBO THE FIRST OF HIS NAME

Is this about my sister?

LADY BRENDA

It’s not just about your sister. It’s about all of us. For every woman

SIR JOHN

It’s about your sister.

LADY BRENDA

As a woman think it’s unfair to be forced to have a ring put on my finger after I have sent a man into the friend zone.

DUCHESS VANESSA FROM TESO

Sounds reasonable.

LADY BRENDA

Haven’t we come into the age when she should be able to say yay or nay to men’s advances if we can say it to red carpet fashion?

BARONESS KYE THE LUMPEN

I had no idea we even had this law in the first place.

JUDGE JILL

Not many people do. And to protect ourselves and those we love we might have to get rid of the law.

DUCHESS ALLENICIA FROM TORO

Why did we even have this law in the first place?

JUDGE JILL

There was a fear that less people were getting married and/or hooking up and the population was tragically low.

LADY BRENDA

Kati, what do you guys say? Can we repeal this law.

JUDGE JILL

All in favour of doing away with the “Put the ring on it” law say “I”

Everyone in the court house goes ahead to say “I” Just then Sir Hubert comes marching into the court house like Morpheus from The Matrix with a leather jacket floating in slow motion behind him. Walking in with him is Amanda the Fabulous.

JUDGE JILL (CONT’D)

What the hell?!

SIR HUBERT

Did you honestly think that you could have this meeting without me knowing about it?

SIR JOHN

It doesn’t matter. We’ve already passed the law against “Put a ring on it”

Sir Hubert laughs out loud.

SIR HUBERT That really doesn’t matter to me. I already put the ring on it and she is mine unless you have the power to confront me.

JUDGE JILL

This is the Court of Law, Sir Hubert. I hope you do not wish to desecrate these chambers.

SIR HUBERT (evil laugh)

Perhaps I already have.

The entire tribunal comes together in formation like the way the Power Rangers used to or the way the Avengers do now. We could have someone shout “Council Assemble” or some crazy stuff of the sort.

SIR HUBERT (CONT’D)  This is going to be fun and we shall declare it Sir Hubert’s Day.

This seems to piss Judge Jill off even more because it’s Wine Day, her favourite days of the year.

*insert sound track, something upbeat like from Xhibit or DMX*

This is where we have the fight between the Council and Sir Hubert and Amanda the Fabulous. Turntable Master Deejay Brian is launching vinyl records like he’s throwing shuriken. Baroness Kye the Lumpen whips her locks and they come flying up as her super power. Father Kongzi is up like a ninja with his crucifix and Holy water. Duchess Allen from Toro uses her Banshee like voice to nearly burst Sir Hubert’s ears. Duchess Vanessa, Elma the Oracle and Judge Jill send infra red beams from their eyes. Sir Edwin Nkalubo the first of his name is like the Iron Man in the group and gets this tech upgrade that fights off Sir Hubert. Count Noel the blaze has fire balls flying all the place, Sir Kelvo the executioner turns into some kinda invisible man with ninja skills. Sir John and Lady Brenda with their swords. Basically, everyone is in on the fight, throwing their best punches. Then in the middle of everything Elma the Oracle shouts.

ELMA THE ORACLE

STOP!!!

*cut the music*

Everyone looks behind Elma the Oracle. Sir Hubert is panting. He clearly looks like he is losing his edge. Elma the Oracle looks like she going into a trance of sorts.

DB WOODSIDE THE BAILIFF (confused)

What’s happening?!

JUDGE JILL

She’s seen the future. She’s having a vision.

THE END

 

 

Footnotes:

As I was working on this, I asked myself why the hell I do this in the first place. LOL. Because this stuff is just silly, isn’t it?!

 

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One thought on “The Pursuit of Lady Laura 2

  1. […] THE PURSUIT OF LADY LAURA. If you are reading this and did not read The Pursuit of Lady Laura 1 and The Pursuit of Lady Laura 2, please […]

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