Tag Archives: panic

Chasing dreams

Shaky hands, twitching fingers, mild scares and sleepless nights. My heart keeps beating a tad bit too fast for me. My anxiety may one day be the end of me (the more alive and creative version of myself and turn me into a zombie) It will cause my heart to gain a pace and beat that it can not handle and collapse within itself. It will render my mind useless and cause the rest of my body to quickly follow. Then the light in my eyes will go out.

What is it about approaching deadlines that makes me think less about myself and causes me to rethink decisions I made ages ago? Causes me to redo everything; words and phrases that I laboured to put down and breathe some life into. What is it that makes me want to hide out in a cave and not emerge, not even for sunlight until five minutes after the deadline? (with the work somehow magically submitted by a clearer headed version of myself, I suppose) What is it that makes me want to pull out my hair? Makes me scratch my skin even when it does not itch? Makes me want to run away, so far away, not from my work but from myself?

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